I have totally not been watching TV for quite some time now but I happened to catch a link to the show Rockstar:INXS.
I am now totally infatuated with this show. I have been actually for several weeks but am now just going to talk about it.
I think a lot of it has to do with me being part of a band recently and now I am all about the nuances of bands and music and rock and roll.
Definitely worth watching. Plus I have been an INXS fan since way back when I first started listening to music.
Check it out if you want, they have all the past performances online. Worth a few minutes anyway.
Go Suzie! :)
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
What is hope?
This is in answer to Lisa Marie's exasperation.
Hope is a wasteful emotion.
What really is important is BEing and not TRYing. And hope is another of those TRYing type of emotions.
I HOPE I did well on my test. I HOPE she says yes. I HOPE there is still time. I HOPE I don't die!
Let me explain a bit about what I mean by "Hope does no good".
First off, only actions truly matter. What you do, what you say, what you think, these are all actives. Hoping, wishing, praying are all passives, and hence do not matter. You can hope that things go your way but you can only control your own actions. You can direct other people, guide or "force" but only they can perform their own actions.
So hoping that they do what you want will only lead to disappointment if things don't go your way. And false hope if they do because it won't always go your way.
By BEing you do not have to depend on other people's actions, you can just deal with them. By TRYing it is all dependent on other people and their whims.
In the end, only YOU can make yourself mad, sad, or glad. No one controls your emotions and no one can make you change yours unless you give them the power to do so. And then you hope they don't be mean or destructive with their new found powers.
Do not give up your own power by hoping others will not do bad things, or hoping they do good things, or wishing things would go your way, or praying nothing bad happens.
You control yourself, and these false emotions are detrimental.
Now, I am not a pessimist so here is what I do. I just am. I forgo as many expectations and anticipations as I currently am able and accept situations as they are and make my decisions based on what I know.
My desire is to know as much as I can so my decisions are better every time I make them. The only true thing is to better yourself by being a better self. Learn from your mistakes, or better yet, learn from other people's mistakes so you don't have to make them and hurt yourself.
Anyway, I think I meandered a bit but hopefully, pun intended, you get my drift. :)
Hope is a wasteful emotion.
What really is important is BEing and not TRYing. And hope is another of those TRYing type of emotions.
I HOPE I did well on my test. I HOPE she says yes. I HOPE there is still time. I HOPE I don't die!
Let me explain a bit about what I mean by "Hope does no good".
First off, only actions truly matter. What you do, what you say, what you think, these are all actives. Hoping, wishing, praying are all passives, and hence do not matter. You can hope that things go your way but you can only control your own actions. You can direct other people, guide or "force" but only they can perform their own actions.
So hoping that they do what you want will only lead to disappointment if things don't go your way. And false hope if they do because it won't always go your way.
By BEing you do not have to depend on other people's actions, you can just deal with them. By TRYing it is all dependent on other people and their whims.
In the end, only YOU can make yourself mad, sad, or glad. No one controls your emotions and no one can make you change yours unless you give them the power to do so. And then you hope they don't be mean or destructive with their new found powers.
Do not give up your own power by hoping others will not do bad things, or hoping they do good things, or wishing things would go your way, or praying nothing bad happens.
You control yourself, and these false emotions are detrimental.
Now, I am not a pessimist so here is what I do. I just am. I forgo as many expectations and anticipations as I currently am able and accept situations as they are and make my decisions based on what I know.
My desire is to know as much as I can so my decisions are better every time I make them. The only true thing is to better yourself by being a better self. Learn from your mistakes, or better yet, learn from other people's mistakes so you don't have to make them and hurt yourself.
Anyway, I think I meandered a bit but hopefully, pun intended, you get my drift. :)
Monday, August 29, 2005
Katrina
I am glad I got to see New Orleans before it becomes a toxic wasteland. :/
I hope no one dies, but as we all know, people will either not be ready, not be able to be ready, not relocate, cannot relocate or refuse to leave.
I am sure there are other reasons.
Not sure I can say anything else other than hope. And hoping does no good anyways.
Here is what I can say and mean it:
Don't die!
I hope no one dies, but as we all know, people will either not be ready, not be able to be ready, not relocate, cannot relocate or refuse to leave.
I am sure there are other reasons.
Not sure I can say anything else other than hope. And hoping does no good anyways.
Here is what I can say and mean it:
Don't die!
Sunday, August 28, 2005
The World's Shortest Personality Test
 You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong. |
Friday, August 26, 2005
The Pocket
Well, I was going to call this post "The Zone" but judging from my last post it might be thought of in the wrong way. :) And yes, that was for psuche. :)
Basically I have been in the Pocket for the past week. Actually it started just as I was ending my time at Pennsic and I had 10 hours to reflect on the drive home. I think the exact moment was me listening to Freakwitch on my headphones, looking up at the sunrise and thinking that I am surrounded by love. Good moment! :)
Anyway, the Pocket is a state of sensing yourself in the third person. It happens to me when drumming which allows me to just play rather than thinking about what I need to be playing, which tends to make the music sound wrong (at least to me). I used to draw and when I was in my heyday of drawing I would be amazed at my hand making these really cool drawings without me actively making them do it.
It is essentially a stream-of-subconscious while allowing the conscious to idly enjoy the show.
I know, it is hard to describe and I am poor at conveying it but that is the idea.
Now in that state, I have been totally interested in the interconnectedness and the interaction of people. Most of them don't even realize it and it is somewhat amusing to watch them interact and "see" their connections with each other.
Now I put "see" in quotes because it is not a photon activity type thing, it is more of a sense or feeling. I am not WANTing per se to do this, I just am BEing it. As in, it happens because I am in this Pocket and it allows me this "sense".
Like I said, it is hard to describe.
I have been getting comments lately that I am always smiling (which I am) or that I am more open (which I am).
I think I am just allowing my true self out. Did I mention being a beacon yet? :)
I am still resolving my ego/self-conscious intervening on occasion on my interpersonal interactions (talking with people) but that whole fear and misgivings thing is definitely fading if not completely gone in many situations. (Woot and I got to use three inter- prefixes in that sentence!)
Ah well, time to head off to dinner and band practice to do more Pocketing (so to speak). :)
Basically I have been in the Pocket for the past week. Actually it started just as I was ending my time at Pennsic and I had 10 hours to reflect on the drive home. I think the exact moment was me listening to Freakwitch on my headphones, looking up at the sunrise and thinking that I am surrounded by love. Good moment! :)
Anyway, the Pocket is a state of sensing yourself in the third person. It happens to me when drumming which allows me to just play rather than thinking about what I need to be playing, which tends to make the music sound wrong (at least to me). I used to draw and when I was in my heyday of drawing I would be amazed at my hand making these really cool drawings without me actively making them do it.
It is essentially a stream-of-subconscious while allowing the conscious to idly enjoy the show.
I know, it is hard to describe and I am poor at conveying it but that is the idea.
Now in that state, I have been totally interested in the interconnectedness and the interaction of people. Most of them don't even realize it and it is somewhat amusing to watch them interact and "see" their connections with each other.
Now I put "see" in quotes because it is not a photon activity type thing, it is more of a sense or feeling. I am not WANTing per se to do this, I just am BEing it. As in, it happens because I am in this Pocket and it allows me this "sense".
Like I said, it is hard to describe.
I have been getting comments lately that I am always smiling (which I am) or that I am more open (which I am).
I think I am just allowing my true self out. Did I mention being a beacon yet? :)
I am still resolving my ego/self-conscious intervening on occasion on my interpersonal interactions (talking with people) but that whole fear and misgivings thing is definitely fading if not completely gone in many situations. (Woot and I got to use three inter- prefixes in that sentence!)
Ah well, time to head off to dinner and band practice to do more Pocketing (so to speak). :)
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Next Level
Ok, so I have been working on myself even more than before.
I am almost ready for the next level.
The interesting thing is that when I am ready I will know what that level is. Currently it is just floating near me ready to be entered.
The thoughts I have had in the past year or so, and have blogged, may soon become more of a reality for me. The question is, from an outside observer, will I be considered insane?
Do I care? Not really. :)
I know there is another spatial dimension "above" our own. Above being a nonsensical word for a dimension that is orthogonal to the other 3 that we experience all the time. Pun intended. :)
It really is a matter of being able to "see" in that space and to "move" in that space. That's the goal. Now, the thing about not expecting anything is key. You will know it when you know it. Simple and hard at the same time. Listening to what you already know is very important and acknowledging it is the journey.
Is it provable?
That will remain to be seen. I am not enough mechanically/electronically inclined to know how to do it perhaps theoretically I can figure it out.
But is it worth sharing with others who have not learned to do it themselves? Will it be used for good or ill?
Good thing we know how to use nuclear power properly right? *rolls eyes*
I can only say is "what a long strange trip it has been".
And for those of you questioning, I do NOT take drugs of any kind, including aspirin or anything like that, though I am slowly getting over my caffeine addiction. Which technically is a drug but not in the sense you are imagining. Sober intoxication is much more fun imo. :)
I am almost ready for the next level.
The interesting thing is that when I am ready I will know what that level is. Currently it is just floating near me ready to be entered.
The thoughts I have had in the past year or so, and have blogged, may soon become more of a reality for me. The question is, from an outside observer, will I be considered insane?
Do I care? Not really. :)
I know there is another spatial dimension "above" our own. Above being a nonsensical word for a dimension that is orthogonal to the other 3 that we experience all the time. Pun intended. :)
It really is a matter of being able to "see" in that space and to "move" in that space. That's the goal. Now, the thing about not expecting anything is key. You will know it when you know it. Simple and hard at the same time. Listening to what you already know is very important and acknowledging it is the journey.
Is it provable?
That will remain to be seen. I am not enough mechanically/electronically inclined to know how to do it perhaps theoretically I can figure it out.
But is it worth sharing with others who have not learned to do it themselves? Will it be used for good or ill?
Good thing we know how to use nuclear power properly right? *rolls eyes*
I can only say is "what a long strange trip it has been".
And for those of you questioning, I do NOT take drugs of any kind, including aspirin or anything like that, though I am slowly getting over my caffeine addiction. Which technically is a drug but not in the sense you are imagining. Sober intoxication is much more fun imo. :)
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Strange Dreams
Strange Dreams
What strange dreams
We men dream
Tales of yore and of fear and of love
Not knowing the future
But hoping for the best
What strange dreams
Come true
With the world going on
As if the truth were
A mere triviality
What strange dreams
And what lives
Are changed by the thoughts
Of the great human hive
Or of just the queen
Forever and nothing
Intertwined and alive
For their own amusement
And as we are together and alone
At the same time
Perhaps we can know true peace
Or is it just my
Strange dreams.
What strange dreams
We men dream
Tales of yore and of fear and of love
Not knowing the future
But hoping for the best
What strange dreams
Come true
With the world going on
As if the truth were
A mere triviality
What strange dreams
And what lives
Are changed by the thoughts
Of the great human hive
Or of just the queen
Forever and nothing
Intertwined and alive
For their own amusement
And as we are together and alone
At the same time
Perhaps we can know true peace
Or is it just my
Strange dreams.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Serendipity
It is a wondrous and strange thing to come upon something in my readings on the internet that is EXACTLY what I needed to read.
It happened today while reading one of the many blogs that I frequent but haven't had a chance to for two weeks.
So, 3 days after I left for vacation a commenter on one of the blogs I read left a link.
This one in fact: There is a Way Out.
It very much is in line with my thoughts of the past few days and relates to my post yesterday.
Give it a read and it may help you understand the questions and answers that I have been asking and answering for myself.
It is much akin to what I am seeking. Awakening. And I am on the right path.
The blog that I frequent, which is quite thought provoking but may just be fluff for my own personal amusement is Rigorous Intuition.
Check it out and think outside the box too.
Peace to you.
It happened today while reading one of the many blogs that I frequent but haven't had a chance to for two weeks.
So, 3 days after I left for vacation a commenter on one of the blogs I read left a link.
This one in fact: There is a Way Out.
It very much is in line with my thoughts of the past few days and relates to my post yesterday.
Give it a read and it may help you understand the questions and answers that I have been asking and answering for myself.
It is much akin to what I am seeking. Awakening. And I am on the right path.
The blog that I frequent, which is quite thought provoking but may just be fluff for my own personal amusement is Rigorous Intuition.
Check it out and think outside the box too.
Peace to you.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Return of the Baron
Hello!
As you may or may not know I have returned from Pennsic. The only reason you would know and not know me personally is because I have updated my blog. :)
Anyway, I have a mind to discuss something other than Pennsic in my return post and it mainly has to do with Psuche's recent entries, well recent to me anyways. :)
I have been thinking a lot recently about what my role or place is in this great universe and of course many other people do as well.
There is only one way one can know the universe and that is through their own perceptions.
I have tried very hard in the past to understand where other people are coming from and what reactions they will give if given any particular situation. I usually would run through all the possible scenarios and end up doing nothing because one of the scenarios I would come up with would be bad.
Unfortunately, inaction is an action and would have a negative effect nonetheless, usually nothing positive would happen and occasionally worse, a bad response.
Anyway, at Pennsic I often did that same process and did a lot of inaction. And of course, nothing good came of it. Which brings me to where I am now.
I have found that while being empathetic is important, it is not the final answer to how to interact with people.
It has taken me a long time to just BE.
Now the path I took has been long and hard and is still not perfect, what is? But I have been TRYing and that is the mistake I have been making all along.
I wasn't BEing my self, I was TRYing to be someone for other people. Now my egoist route was a big step in the right direction and has helped me see better my path.
If I can just BE all the time, then what I want to accomplish and what I need to do is clear.
In my mind, I am a beacon of light and love and if I stop blinding everyone from my true self then people will want to be in the light and the love. Sure, that sounds all nice and fluffy and stuff but I believe it is my path. I must stop TRYing to be the light and love, I just AM.
So my friends and family know that beacon in part because I allow it and I want them to share in that light and love. But now I think it is time to let the beacon shine unshuttered.
In any event, these words probably aren't very meaningful to anyone other than me, but I had to say them for myself. You just happen to be reading them. :)
So the next beacon of light and love that you see, will be me. Hopefully I won't blind you! :)
Until then, avoid distraction and enjoy life or it will pass by and you will be forgotten.
As you may or may not know I have returned from Pennsic. The only reason you would know and not know me personally is because I have updated my blog. :)
Anyway, I have a mind to discuss something other than Pennsic in my return post and it mainly has to do with Psuche's recent entries, well recent to me anyways. :)
I have been thinking a lot recently about what my role or place is in this great universe and of course many other people do as well.
There is only one way one can know the universe and that is through their own perceptions.
I have tried very hard in the past to understand where other people are coming from and what reactions they will give if given any particular situation. I usually would run through all the possible scenarios and end up doing nothing because one of the scenarios I would come up with would be bad.
Unfortunately, inaction is an action and would have a negative effect nonetheless, usually nothing positive would happen and occasionally worse, a bad response.
Anyway, at Pennsic I often did that same process and did a lot of inaction. And of course, nothing good came of it. Which brings me to where I am now.
I have found that while being empathetic is important, it is not the final answer to how to interact with people.
It has taken me a long time to just BE.
Now the path I took has been long and hard and is still not perfect, what is? But I have been TRYing and that is the mistake I have been making all along.
I wasn't BEing my self, I was TRYing to be someone for other people. Now my egoist route was a big step in the right direction and has helped me see better my path.
If I can just BE all the time, then what I want to accomplish and what I need to do is clear.
In my mind, I am a beacon of light and love and if I stop blinding everyone from my true self then people will want to be in the light and the love. Sure, that sounds all nice and fluffy and stuff but I believe it is my path. I must stop TRYing to be the light and love, I just AM.
So my friends and family know that beacon in part because I allow it and I want them to share in that light and love. But now I think it is time to let the beacon shine unshuttered.
In any event, these words probably aren't very meaningful to anyone other than me, but I had to say them for myself. You just happen to be reading them. :)
So the next beacon of light and love that you see, will be me. Hopefully I won't blind you! :)
Until then, avoid distraction and enjoy life or it will pass by and you will be forgotten.
Friday, August 05, 2005
Off Like A Terd Of Hurtles
Ok, so I am getting ready for Pennsic as we speak (well, not RIGHT at this moment) but I am in the process of getting ready. :)
Anyway, I just want to thank everyone who helped me get everything ready.
I will also miss everyone who is not going. Well not EVERYONE but you all know who you are. :)
I hope your heart doesn't break while I am gone. ;)
In any event, I won't be updating the blog for two weeks or so. Hope all 3 of my readers aren't too upset about that! :)
I finally got my compensation back for my New Orleans trip and now I can go do the shopping for Pennsic I have had to do for the past 3 weeks!
Ok, off to do my packing and shopping and preparing.
Take care all!
Anyway, I just want to thank everyone who helped me get everything ready.
I will also miss everyone who is not going. Well not EVERYONE but you all know who you are. :)
I hope your heart doesn't break while I am gone. ;)
In any event, I won't be updating the blog for two weeks or so. Hope all 3 of my readers aren't too upset about that! :)
I finally got my compensation back for my New Orleans trip and now I can go do the shopping for Pennsic I have had to do for the past 3 weeks!
Ok, off to do my packing and shopping and preparing.
Take care all!
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Pennsic and Garb
Ok, I am leaving for Pennsylvania Friday after work.
I am a bit stressed out making sure I have everything I need to go camping for two weeks. I still need to get a few things but, until I get my reimbursement check on Friday, I can't buy anything.
I need to renew my license before I go on the trip. Did I mention I also need to register the car and get it inspected and get an oil change? I am going to put those things off til after (except the oil change) because I won't have time since I have to get all that shit done on Friday but we'll see.
It is looking more and more likely that I will need to take Friday off just to get all my shit done.
The only other thing that is upsetting to me is that NONE of my garb is 100% complete. I have a lot of hemming to do and I was going to do it tonight at around 6pm (notice it is after that time now), right after I got out of work, so I could have more time on the sewing machine.
Anyway, I can't seem to locate Inge, who is helping me out with the sewing bits and stuff and using her sewing machine.
So it looks like for the usual craft night I will be fighting for time on the machine and with Inge being distracted and stuff potentially.
Don't get me wrong, I totally appreciate her help with everything but my time is way running short to do things and I won't have hardly any garb. Eventhough I have enough fabric for several more pants, a few more shirts and 2 doublets.
I am hiring a seamstress next time or fucking buy my garb online. This making your own garb shit is way overrated and I am not doing it again. I will use the fabric I have now and make some happy little fucking napkins out of em or something.
I guess spending the past 3 months on trying to get ready is no where near enough time for garb.
Ah well, it is my first Pennsic after all. So I am bound to have a fucking miserable time getting ready for it. *pfft*
*grumble*
I am a bit stressed out making sure I have everything I need to go camping for two weeks. I still need to get a few things but, until I get my reimbursement check on Friday, I can't buy anything.
I need to renew my license before I go on the trip. Did I mention I also need to register the car and get it inspected and get an oil change? I am going to put those things off til after (except the oil change) because I won't have time since I have to get all that shit done on Friday but we'll see.
It is looking more and more likely that I will need to take Friday off just to get all my shit done.
The only other thing that is upsetting to me is that NONE of my garb is 100% complete. I have a lot of hemming to do and I was going to do it tonight at around 6pm (notice it is after that time now), right after I got out of work, so I could have more time on the sewing machine.
Anyway, I can't seem to locate Inge, who is helping me out with the sewing bits and stuff and using her sewing machine.
So it looks like for the usual craft night I will be fighting for time on the machine and with Inge being distracted and stuff potentially.
Don't get me wrong, I totally appreciate her help with everything but my time is way running short to do things and I won't have hardly any garb. Eventhough I have enough fabric for several more pants, a few more shirts and 2 doublets.
I am hiring a seamstress next time or fucking buy my garb online. This making your own garb shit is way overrated and I am not doing it again. I will use the fabric I have now and make some happy little fucking napkins out of em or something.
I guess spending the past 3 months on trying to get ready is no where near enough time for garb.
Ah well, it is my first Pennsic after all. So I am bound to have a fucking miserable time getting ready for it. *pfft*
*grumble*
Monday, August 01, 2005
100 Things About Me
Here are 100 things about me that you may or may not know about.
Some of them are blatantly obvious, others not many know about, and some are ones I might not have told anyone else ever.
As to the repercussions to those ones, I will find out, but I might as well be up front about them.
The other thing I want to mention is that some of these are hard to write because I am not sure how to explain them to other people or how or why I got to this point.
One thing is clear though. Without these things that I have done or have happened I would not be who I am today. :)
Hope this is illuminating.
P.S. And sorry for the ones that are TMI. :) Well, not really. ;)
100 Things about Me (as of August 1, 2005)
1. I am male.
2. I am going to be 35 this year.
3. My birthday is on August 6th, the same day as Hiroshima only 35 years different.
4. I like to dance to alternative 80's music.
5. I am a drummer.
6. I am in a band called Freakwitch.
7. I write poetry.
8. I am also teaching myself how to play keyboards.
9. I have a B.A. in Physics with a minor in Mathematics.
10. I graduated from the University of Southern Maine.
11. It took me 10 years to get my degree after changing majors (from Geography/Anthropology) and taking 3 years off to do "real" world stuff.
12. I am an egoist after being a self-sacrificer for a very long time (hard habit to break).
13. I am nice (a boon and bane at the same time).
14. I have a quirky sense of humor.
15. I don't like telling canned jokes mainly because I can't remember them.
16. I don't like playing other people's music (for the most part) for the same reason.
17. I am not as smart as people think I am.
18. I self-deprecate (not defecate) for laughs and insecurities.
19. I like to travel (been to Iceland, France and Hawaii so far but plan on going more places).
20. I have a brother (psuche).
21. I have a stepbrother (Mike).
22. I write algorithms (mathematical software) for work.
23. I like my job because I can get the job done early and can goof off (like writing this) at other times and still get praised for doing a good job.
24. I am getting a promotion because of my "hard work".
25. If anyone at work reads this and cares to rat me out, I might get in trouble, but most likely would be watched more closely than I am now.
26. I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 20.
27. I haven't had sex since I was 20.
28. I have a terrible time "sealing" the deal with non-aggressive/non-forward women (they do it for me :) ).
29. I love to flirt.
30. I cannot read signals well at all except the "you're creeping me out" ones (which is good I suppose).
31. I am a big fan of honesty and secure enough to take it.
32. I am a Reiki practitioner.
33. I do Reiki on myself all the time and I want to give my friends Reiki too.
34. I give good massages.
35. I am also good at cunnilingus.
36. I am a sensual person and enjoy pleasuring all of my partner's parts.
37. I am totally infatuated with the female body.
38. I think the male body is hairy and disgusting.
39. I used to drink a lot of Diet Mountain Dew (8 20 oz. a day down to 3 20 oz. a day).
40. I smoked for the better part of 16 years and quit once for 3 years and am now quit for a little over 4 months now.
41. I am a bit overweight and have been working out for the past few months (since I quit smoking) to lose the weight.
42. Most of my weight was gained from self-loathing and self-doubt.
43. I have since changed my attitude (egoist) and am feeling much better about things and myself.
44. I have a higher calling in this life and I am only now trying to figure out what it is.
45. I am a healer at heart and enjoying helping people.
46. I think that a hierarchical society benefits those at the top and hurts those at the bottom, regardless of the system.
47. I am anarchist trapped in a corrupted capitalistic society trying to get by without getting involved.
48. I am often lazy or perceived lazy when I have no clue how to begin something.
49. I get upset when things change until I get a chance to think about them and reevaluate my new situation.
50. I know there is an ultimate fairness in the universe (whether it be karma or whatever phraseology you call it) and one way or another it will be fulfilled.
51. I think all organized religions are a huge farce and a way to control people into doing horrible things to other people.
52. I think the same for governments.
53. My teeth rotted out of my face because of a combination of heredity (soft enamel), smoking and Mountain Dew. I now have new prettier ones.
54. Very few people knew that about me until now.
55. I am self-conscious about it and have concerns that people will think I am more of a freak then I already am.
56. I am not Goth but women in Goth attire arouse me.
57. I love wearing silk shirts when I go out.
58. When I wear silk shirts, I feel myself up a lot just because it feels good on my skin.
59. I have a wide array of music that I listen to, from U2 and INXS to Metallica and System Of A Down to VNV Nation and The Cure to The Beatles and The Beach Boys to Mozart and Berlioz and everything in between except Rap, Country and Opera.
60. I have spent an hour on this list so far while at work and am not ashamed of it. :)
61. I read a lot of blogs (that are linked below as well as others that are not linked).
62. I would be doing astronomy or astrophysics if my GPA was better, in other words, the few years in my old major fucked up my overall GPA.
63. I applied to many graduate schools and got no offers, though I was on a few waiting lists (which didn't pan out).
64. I hate paperwork.
65. I paid a friend of mine to fill out my applications for college because I hate paperwork.
66. I love watching hockey and football.
67. I love to play basketball and volleyball.
68. I used to be a "cry baby" when I was a kid until I broke my collarbone and no one believed me for 3 days.
69. I am not a big fan of blowjobs because of the whole teeth thing, I have a sensitive penis. This was a TMI moment. :)
70. I put that particular one in 69 because I am a dork. :) Excellent! *air guitar*
71. I have lasted longer than 3 hours before having an orgasm.
72. I have a U.S. patent (US 6,001,006 B2) and a plaque to go with it.
73. I am not published but would have been with the patent if upper management didn'’t ax it.
74. I was original concerned that I could not fill out 100 of these but I am almost done and have more things I want to say.
75. I don't watch TV hardly at all, though I am dedicated to a few TV shows from when I did watch it a lot (mostly Sci-Fi stuff like StarGate).
76. I am a pretty good cook but I don't like to make things for myself unless they are straightforward (like broiling streak or whatever).
77. I drink Magnar's Hard Cider because I prefer it to beer or other sweeter ciders.
78. I don't drink hard alcohol very often and get trashed way quicker than beer/cider.
79. I have a great metabolism (even with all the abuse I do to it with alcohol) and rarely get colds or get sick.
80. I haven't been to the doctor's for at least 15 years.
81. I have an HMO plan at work and have never met or talked to the doctor I chose or any person from their office. I chose him because of his name: Dexter.
82. I am not part of my work's 401K because I hate the stock market.
83. I will most likely be homeless when I retire.
84. I am going to my first (big) SCA event for 2 weeks (starting on Friday) and am excited and anxious at the same time because it is new and different. (See 49)
85. I live alone.
86. I have a real cool apartment intown.
87. I used to have a lot of money saved up (> $10k) but now I am on the edge like I was in college and I don't understand exactly why.
88. I think it has a lot to do with the new apartment and all the extra expenses associated with that and going out more often.
89. Almost all the women I hang out with I have had a crush on at one time or another (or still do) but won't do anything about it because they have a S.O.
90. If I were a true egoist I wouldn't honor my code of ethics because it is limiting.
91. I have a code of ethics that won't allow me to try and break anyone else's relationship (regardless of the situation) or allow anyone to break their marriage vows even if we wanted to.
92. I have excluded a large part of the human population for dating/sex because of my particular code.
93. I think I might need to change it or be less stringent about it.
94. I have a lot of good friends and I care about them a lot even if they do dumb things sometimes.
95. I hate people who do dumb things ALL the time, i.e. stupid people.
96. I watch too much Internet porn.
97. I have a real good collection.
98. I fear I have said way too many personal things and I won't like the repercussions.
99. I will be sad if I lose any friends over any of this but then again they were not really friends if a little truth hurts our relationship.
100. I am glad I did this list and most likely I have missed many other things that might be interesting.
Now you know a lot of the things that make me who I am and what got me to this point.
Is it a perfect spot? No.
Is it a good spot? Heck yeah, I really am enjoying my life right now.
Do I want more? Absolutely, why continue if you don't want more out of life? And yes, I think it is the stupidest thing in the world to kill yourself.
Well, that's it.
Here goes nothing... *presses "Publish Post" button*
Some of them are blatantly obvious, others not many know about, and some are ones I might not have told anyone else ever.
As to the repercussions to those ones, I will find out, but I might as well be up front about them.
The other thing I want to mention is that some of these are hard to write because I am not sure how to explain them to other people or how or why I got to this point.
One thing is clear though. Without these things that I have done or have happened I would not be who I am today. :)
Hope this is illuminating.
P.S. And sorry for the ones that are TMI. :) Well, not really. ;)
100 Things about Me (as of August 1, 2005)
1. I am male.
2. I am going to be 35 this year.
3. My birthday is on August 6th, the same day as Hiroshima only 35 years different.
4. I like to dance to alternative 80's music.
5. I am a drummer.
6. I am in a band called Freakwitch.
7. I write poetry.
8. I am also teaching myself how to play keyboards.
9. I have a B.A. in Physics with a minor in Mathematics.
10. I graduated from the University of Southern Maine.
11. It took me 10 years to get my degree after changing majors (from Geography/Anthropology) and taking 3 years off to do "real" world stuff.
12. I am an egoist after being a self-sacrificer for a very long time (hard habit to break).
13. I am nice (a boon and bane at the same time).
14. I have a quirky sense of humor.
15. I don't like telling canned jokes mainly because I can't remember them.
16. I don't like playing other people's music (for the most part) for the same reason.
17. I am not as smart as people think I am.
18. I self-deprecate (not defecate) for laughs and insecurities.
19. I like to travel (been to Iceland, France and Hawaii so far but plan on going more places).
20. I have a brother (psuche).
21. I have a stepbrother (Mike).
22. I write algorithms (mathematical software) for work.
23. I like my job because I can get the job done early and can goof off (like writing this) at other times and still get praised for doing a good job.
24. I am getting a promotion because of my "hard work".
25. If anyone at work reads this and cares to rat me out, I might get in trouble, but most likely would be watched more closely than I am now.
26. I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 20.
27. I haven't had sex since I was 20.
28. I have a terrible time "sealing" the deal with non-aggressive/non-forward women (they do it for me :) ).
29. I love to flirt.
30. I cannot read signals well at all except the "you're creeping me out" ones (which is good I suppose).
31. I am a big fan of honesty and secure enough to take it.
32. I am a Reiki practitioner.
33. I do Reiki on myself all the time and I want to give my friends Reiki too.
34. I give good massages.
35. I am also good at cunnilingus.
36. I am a sensual person and enjoy pleasuring all of my partner's parts.
37. I am totally infatuated with the female body.
38. I think the male body is hairy and disgusting.
39. I used to drink a lot of Diet Mountain Dew (8 20 oz. a day down to 3 20 oz. a day).
40. I smoked for the better part of 16 years and quit once for 3 years and am now quit for a little over 4 months now.
41. I am a bit overweight and have been working out for the past few months (since I quit smoking) to lose the weight.
42. Most of my weight was gained from self-loathing and self-doubt.
43. I have since changed my attitude (egoist) and am feeling much better about things and myself.
44. I have a higher calling in this life and I am only now trying to figure out what it is.
45. I am a healer at heart and enjoying helping people.
46. I think that a hierarchical society benefits those at the top and hurts those at the bottom, regardless of the system.
47. I am anarchist trapped in a corrupted capitalistic society trying to get by without getting involved.
48. I am often lazy or perceived lazy when I have no clue how to begin something.
49. I get upset when things change until I get a chance to think about them and reevaluate my new situation.
50. I know there is an ultimate fairness in the universe (whether it be karma or whatever phraseology you call it) and one way or another it will be fulfilled.
51. I think all organized religions are a huge farce and a way to control people into doing horrible things to other people.
52. I think the same for governments.
53. My teeth rotted out of my face because of a combination of heredity (soft enamel), smoking and Mountain Dew. I now have new prettier ones.
54. Very few people knew that about me until now.
55. I am self-conscious about it and have concerns that people will think I am more of a freak then I already am.
56. I am not Goth but women in Goth attire arouse me.
57. I love wearing silk shirts when I go out.
58. When I wear silk shirts, I feel myself up a lot just because it feels good on my skin.
59. I have a wide array of music that I listen to, from U2 and INXS to Metallica and System Of A Down to VNV Nation and The Cure to The Beatles and The Beach Boys to Mozart and Berlioz and everything in between except Rap, Country and Opera.
60. I have spent an hour on this list so far while at work and am not ashamed of it. :)
61. I read a lot of blogs (that are linked below as well as others that are not linked).
62. I would be doing astronomy or astrophysics if my GPA was better, in other words, the few years in my old major fucked up my overall GPA.
63. I applied to many graduate schools and got no offers, though I was on a few waiting lists (which didn't pan out).
64. I hate paperwork.
65. I paid a friend of mine to fill out my applications for college because I hate paperwork.
66. I love watching hockey and football.
67. I love to play basketball and volleyball.
68. I used to be a "cry baby" when I was a kid until I broke my collarbone and no one believed me for 3 days.
69. I am not a big fan of blowjobs because of the whole teeth thing, I have a sensitive penis. This was a TMI moment. :)
70. I put that particular one in 69 because I am a dork. :) Excellent! *air guitar*
71. I have lasted longer than 3 hours before having an orgasm.
72. I have a U.S. patent (US 6,001,006 B2) and a plaque to go with it.
73. I am not published but would have been with the patent if upper management didn'’t ax it.
74. I was original concerned that I could not fill out 100 of these but I am almost done and have more things I want to say.
75. I don't watch TV hardly at all, though I am dedicated to a few TV shows from when I did watch it a lot (mostly Sci-Fi stuff like StarGate).
76. I am a pretty good cook but I don't like to make things for myself unless they are straightforward (like broiling streak or whatever).
77. I drink Magnar's Hard Cider because I prefer it to beer or other sweeter ciders.
78. I don't drink hard alcohol very often and get trashed way quicker than beer/cider.
79. I have a great metabolism (even with all the abuse I do to it with alcohol) and rarely get colds or get sick.
80. I haven't been to the doctor's for at least 15 years.
81. I have an HMO plan at work and have never met or talked to the doctor I chose or any person from their office. I chose him because of his name: Dexter.
82. I am not part of my work's 401K because I hate the stock market.
83. I will most likely be homeless when I retire.
84. I am going to my first (big) SCA event for 2 weeks (starting on Friday) and am excited and anxious at the same time because it is new and different. (See 49)
85. I live alone.
86. I have a real cool apartment intown.
87. I used to have a lot of money saved up (> $10k) but now I am on the edge like I was in college and I don't understand exactly why.
88. I think it has a lot to do with the new apartment and all the extra expenses associated with that and going out more often.
89. Almost all the women I hang out with I have had a crush on at one time or another (or still do) but won't do anything about it because they have a S.O.
90. If I were a true egoist I wouldn't honor my code of ethics because it is limiting.
91. I have a code of ethics that won't allow me to try and break anyone else's relationship (regardless of the situation) or allow anyone to break their marriage vows even if we wanted to.
92. I have excluded a large part of the human population for dating/sex because of my particular code.
93. I think I might need to change it or be less stringent about it.
94. I have a lot of good friends and I care about them a lot even if they do dumb things sometimes.
95. I hate people who do dumb things ALL the time, i.e. stupid people.
96. I watch too much Internet porn.
97. I have a real good collection.
98. I fear I have said way too many personal things and I won't like the repercussions.
99. I will be sad if I lose any friends over any of this but then again they were not really friends if a little truth hurts our relationship.
100. I am glad I did this list and most likely I have missed many other things that might be interesting.
Now you know a lot of the things that make me who I am and what got me to this point.
Is it a perfect spot? No.
Is it a good spot? Heck yeah, I really am enjoying my life right now.
Do I want more? Absolutely, why continue if you don't want more out of life? And yes, I think it is the stupidest thing in the world to kill yourself.
Well, that's it.
Here goes nothing... *presses "Publish Post" button*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)