BlackLion's Den: September 2005

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Holy crap 2

She (milkegonebad) keeps finding these great sites and I explore them to find even more wonderful stuff.

Check this out.

http://www.whoomp.com/articles/180/1/Richard-Simmons-on-Whose-Line-is-it

I laughed so hard!

Monday, September 26, 2005

Holy crap

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Can't Wait

I thought about this poem/song tonight.

I think it has a lot to do with my future thoughts and expectations and sometimes it is hard not to have those, especially if situations present themselves. Or at least seem to be presented.

See how that works. ;)

Still not very good about reading people, but I know that is a limitation, so I have to move past it. :)

Here is the song:

===================

Can't Wait

I've been thinking of you again tonight
Of all the things we haven't done together yet
Like the time I met your mom
And she said I was no good for you
Or the time we had our picnic
And it rained
But we danced instead.

And I...
Can't wait
Until I am with you
And I...
Can't wait
Until you are with me

I've been up all night thinking of us
And all the times we were together
When we parked by the bay
And talked all night
Or when we got away
And each other
Was all we needed

And I...
Can't wait
Until I see you again
And I...
Can't wait
Until you are with me

And I can't wait any longer
Because it has been so long
Since I last saw your face
And it has been so long
Since I last tasted your scent
And it has been too long
Why can't you be here right now?

I've been thinking about you all my life
Of all the things we have done
The time when you and I
Would watch our children smile
Or the time we slept
All night long
Until you were gone.

And I...
Can't wait
Until I see you again
And I...
Can't wait
Until I can be with you

One...
last...
time

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Maintaining Relationships

Once again I am back from not posting.

Can you tell? :)

Anyway, I have found it interesting how my relationships change and grow as I change and grow.

Some people I tend to hang out with more than others. Not because they have changed necessarily but that I have, and, I must say, in some significant ways.

The person I was last year (just check my beginning posts) and you will see those differences.

It is a little sad sometimes that I cannot have the same relationship that I had before with some people, mainly because I still like them. But I am not interested in staying stagnant, or doing the same ole things any more.

They have their place and are fun once in a while for nostalgia, but other than that I don't find it compelling any longer.

Now, as far as maintaining relationships, it is important that I keep those people in my life that strengthen me and are facing the same direction I am. I don't want people who will look away on a whim, or people who can't see what I am seeing because they are looking backwards.

I guess I can either choose to show them the right direction, which I do by example, or I can choose to cut the chaff.

Yeah, that's kinda rude but I have a lot of things in my life that are positive, anything that wants to keep me from flowing to where I should be going is negative.

I think I have overcome many big obstacles to get to this point; I am now starting to see the not so big ones.

I would never completely shut anyone off from my life, but I am not going to make the effort as much any more. I have other relationships to maintain and to grow.

And I am looking forward to the new ones coming up in my near future and the ones in my recent past! :)

Wish me luck! (yes, that was intended as a pun ;) )

Monday, September 19, 2005

Thinking In Sound

So I played my first gig on Saturday night and had a blast.

I went in with no nervousness around all these great percussionists and just did my thing. Drove the music. And it was great! :)

The thing I am realizing now is that when I play, I used to play and think too much about what I was playing or what I will play next, now, I just think in sounds.

I now have the muscle memory (though not perfect yet) to know how to make my body make a sound on my kit or on the dumbek.

They are definitely two different skill sets.

AND there are SO many more sounds out there I want to make and make at the right time and in the right setting.

It's not that I am off timing or anything but more what goes with the rest of the music and the song.

It is a wonderful feeling making people move to your sounds. Especially beautiful women! ;)

Actually I enjoy making all people move but hey, I like what I like. :)

Anyway, if this is how it is going to be, I can't imagine myself not doing this for a very long time to come and hopefully with even more people involved.

Though the website needs some upgrading here is a link to the band site: Freakwitch. This is older music (pre-me) but we hope to have some worthwhile recordings going up in the near future.

Anyway, here is to the sound of music! *clink*

(Yeah that was cheesy and a bad reference, but oh well) ;)

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Alcohol Mask

So I have come to the conclusion that I am not a big fan of alcohol any more.

Last night I was in a really fun great mood and then had a couple beers.

By the end of it I was very quiet and sorta brooding.

It brought me down from my normal high into a little cycle of negative. And I am very aware of those moments now.

It appears that I am ready to remove another mask that says "I have to drink to have a good time" since I am now almost always having a good time. :)

My social circles usually involve alcohol to one degree or another and it will be interesting to see how my relationships change to accommodate my removal of this mask.

I go out very frequently, so not having alcohol when I go out won't be difficult but it will be different.

In the long run, it will most likely save money and my beer gut will slowly go down without the constant influx of sugar. But that's neither here nor there.

It really is about finding all the things that make my life negative, no matter how small, and getting rid of the mask that makes me need or want those things.

I never really drank that much to begin with AND it takes a lot to get me in the "happy" drunk area. All else is hit or miss negative feelings.

Time to move on it seems.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Synchronicity

I think there is something to the idea of synchronicity.

It is not really something that I think about that often, but it occurs to me that there are reasons beyond my understanding that I know who I know, I do what I do and things seem to work out for me.

Now, not every level of my existence seems to work like this, but I think that is mainly because I was TRYing too hard to say, get a girlfriend, when in fact now that I am not TRYing, the number of prospects has increased significantly.

Anyway, I think that the reason the positive things in my life happen is because I make them happen on a subconscious level, maybe even a quantum level. And, as we all know, quantum states are only know to a certain degree. Any more pushing and the uncertainty of the outcome will continue to rise.

Basically the more you know where something is right at this moment, the more you will have no clue where it is going to end up. And conversely, the more you know where something is headed, the less you know where it is at this moment.

Metaphorically, it is like, in the first sense, completely nailing down an idea and thoroughly fleshing it out but it ends up not having any relation to anything else after a while. Why? Because the states of everything around you are always in flux and hence no longer applicable to the specific idea that you had (nit-picky).

Also, the more you plan to do something in the future and all the possible implications and ramifications and plans you have, the less you know about what is happening right now (head in the clouds).

The whole short-sighted/long-sighted problem.

Either end of that spectrum and you are screwed.

Now, what does this have to do with synchronicity?

In my view it has everything to do with it. If you live in the now and are part of the next moment then all possibilities are laid out before you.

You are not limited by what you think is happening now and what "might" happen next because you do not have control of that. Nor are you pigeon-holed to a future that you want and highly probable that you won't be at.

Anyway, the synchronicity comes when you limit or get rid of your expectations and what you know you need will come to you. It just happens to happen because you are no longer blinded by your limited ideas of the past and future.

That is why I don't worry about anything (or rarely do), it is pointless and causes too much stress. Just BE and good things will come of it. EXPECT or TRY and you will either fail to achieve your expectation or your failure to achieve what you aren't will cause you undo stress.

Relax.

Enjoy yourself.

Happiness just is.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

My journey

I have been thinking about my journey in this life.

I am not here to preach or to tell people what to think, what to do, how often to do it, where to do it, or all that. I am here to enjoy my life and bring as many people as I want with me.

Some will fall by the wayside, others will be there until the end. You know who you are.

The people who are there until the end are with me for many reasons. Mostly it is because they enrich my life. They speak their truth, or try to anyways, and that is what I really want. Honesty goes a LONG way with me.

I may not like what the truth happens to be but at least I can work with it and see where it affects me or if it does at all.

Only *I* can change my emotions. Of course there are outside forces that will influence you, but only you are in control of yourself. Only you can make your life different or "better".

Let me give you a hint, take it or leave it: Happiness just is.

It is there in front of you all the time, whether you blind yourself to it or not using negative emotions is up to you. I choose not to.

I really am a happy person because I don't stop myself from being it.

Then again, I am not perfect, as you all know. :)

The control I was talking about is really another mask that I need to shed. It really is about letting yourself BE happy rather than TRYing to be happy. Simply said, simple to do if you just do it. Very difficult to understand how because it has taken me quite a while (35 years or so) to figure it out.

In any event, if I consider you my friend, you are for a reason. And that should make you happy. :)

New kit

Oops, I forgot to post what my new kit looks like. Here are a few pictures for you. :)

Front view, along side my keyboard:

From my side the left:

And the right (you can see my new dumbek in the background too):

I am having a lot of fun playing it and getting used to all the different kits that it has available. I am about ready to go to the next stage which is making my own kit based on the sounds already there, and maybe sounds not already native...woot! :)

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

A week?

Holy crap, it has been a whole week since I last posted.

Am I sorry? Sorta.

I know there are at least __1__ people who actually read this blog regularly. Sorry! :)

Ok, so I had a good week and was experiencing it rather than documenting it.

I find that is true for a lot of things I do but this week was a lot of experiencing. I have a digital camera and occasionally take pictures but most of the time I just want to remember them for myself.

Sometimes I want others to sorta experience what I did after the fact.

Ah well.

I find it hard to believe I had such a good week. It must be because karma kicked the shit out of people on the Gulf Coast and the balance was felt by everyone else for the better.

Either that or I was able to appreciate all the great things I have in my life when compared to everything else going on in the world.

Anyway, I don't really have much to add right now, but I am sure I will get to it at some point.

Actually probably not since I still haven't said anything about the Pizza Girls. :)

Now that I think about it, it was a different ME and not so interesting in hind sight. Perhaps the situation would be different with the current ME.

Ah well, I like where I am now.

I am playing music with people I care about.

I am spending time with people I care about.

I am doing the things that I care about.

And I AM who I care about.

Ok, that last one doesn't sound quite right but who says it has to. ;)

Oh, and here is a new picture of me that my bro psuche took this weekend at IHOP.

Stupid action photos! ;)

BlackLion's Den