Her with her gossamer wings
Peeking around the trunk of the tree
Her eyes like deep moonlit ponds
With her skin eerily pale
A smile on her lips
Told me she saw me and she was glad
This could not have been a dream
She was in a place beyond
Even what I could imagine
The dark forest behind her
Shown only by the stars
And the aurora as it shimmered behind
She beckoned me to come to her
It was subtle but I knew her
And she wanted me
She loved me
I could see it in her eyes
Those deep blue eyes
Slowly I stepped across my bedroom floor
To the mirror stand
Oblivious to anything but her eyes
I imagined her touch
Cool yet soothing
Softly she whispered to me
And I obeyed
I wanted to obey
I needed to obey
I stepped ever closer to the stand
I knew I could cross over
To be with her
To be everything for her
She wanted me
And I knew it beyond knowing
A hunger inside me wanted her
And, in a way
We hungered for each other
Her eyes grew wider
And her lips smiled more
As I stood an angel's breath away
From my mirror
I began to step forward
The last step
In the distance behind her
I saw a man
Running
Horror sickened his face
He saw me
He ran for me
Then he saw her
He screamed like no man should scream
Or has ever screamed more horribly since
He was pulled back into the woods
Another her
With gossamer wings
Eyes like deep moonlit ponds
Skin eerily pale
And teeth razor sharp
As she pulled him back into the woods
Hunger in her eyes
Her eyes
She was standing in front of me now
Her lips smiled
She beckoned me
I knew her touch would be cool yet soothing
But her eyes were deep
And blue
And beautiful
I stepped forward
The last step
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Sunday, February 12, 2006
The Wind
I was asked to write a poem but something that was darker.
Since it was a cold snowy icky day (as far as winter goes), I took a bit of that (the wind) and threw words around it...I hope you like it. :)
===
The Wind
Oh the wind
It howls loudly
In my darkness
It can find me
And chill me once more
It seeks my flesh
And it knows where to look
It always has
And with each passing step
It takes me further away
My only companion now
And a hurtful friend it is
But at least
I know it is there
Ever more it bites
And every moment I know
I am still alive
So far at least
But is it the life I live
That makes life worth living?
Or is it in those I love
Or thought I did
Or thought they loved me
That supposedly make it a life?
Knowing the ache of the cold
It seems like the only life
I can really know
Or want to know any more
The only thing in life
Is loss
Lose your lovers
Lose your friends
Lose your children
Lose yourself in the end
And why do I still care?
Why should I?
Is that what this
Is really about?
Or are we all fooling ourselves?
I know I am
Just to make me feel something
Other than this damn wind.
Since it was a cold snowy icky day (as far as winter goes), I took a bit of that (the wind) and threw words around it...I hope you like it. :)
===
The Wind
Oh the wind
It howls loudly
In my darkness
It can find me
And chill me once more
It seeks my flesh
And it knows where to look
It always has
And with each passing step
It takes me further away
My only companion now
And a hurtful friend it is
But at least
I know it is there
Ever more it bites
And every moment I know
I am still alive
So far at least
But is it the life I live
That makes life worth living?
Or is it in those I love
Or thought I did
Or thought they loved me
That supposedly make it a life?
Knowing the ache of the cold
It seems like the only life
I can really know
Or want to know any more
The only thing in life
Is loss
Lose your lovers
Lose your friends
Lose your children
Lose yourself in the end
And why do I still care?
Why should I?
Is that what this
Is really about?
Or are we all fooling ourselves?
I know I am
Just to make me feel something
Other than this damn wind.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Next step
So I am pretty much ready to plan my next step. Or I should say, I am now ready to begin the next phase.
Now the interesting part will be putting the plan together but I think the most daring part is the actual implementation. I have been preparing myself in the past 6 months or so by getting as much information about myself as possible.
It is a fun ride. :) Exciting some times, scary at others with thrills and chills all over the place. Unfortunately because I was still in transition phase, having a girlfriend did not work out as well as I had hoped. But at least I have salvaged a friendship out of it.
Anyway, the trepidation that I currently have mainly is from my automatic reaction to new things or new ideas. Usually it takes me a little time to process new things but I still do the new things (usually) just because. Then I process after.
It is really a matter of knowing that the plan is the right thing to do. And it doesn't have to be all traumatic or anything, it just has to be started and it will snowball. I am very excited and I know in the end, I will be better for it.
I really enjoy my group of friends. They are like-minded and very open and it is great. Sure, nothing is 100% but I am glad we have plenty of things in common to keep life interesting. Plus some of them are the adventurous type, so I can at least get out there and have someone to hang with.
In any event, if all goes according to plan (like all plans do!) then I will have more free time to do as I please while still maintaining my lifestyle. Maintaining, however, is the minimum of the plans results of course.
And if this plan works for me well, I will share as much as I can with those I care about so that you can at least learn some techniques that worked for me.
Now the interesting part will be putting the plan together but I think the most daring part is the actual implementation. I have been preparing myself in the past 6 months or so by getting as much information about myself as possible.
It is a fun ride. :) Exciting some times, scary at others with thrills and chills all over the place. Unfortunately because I was still in transition phase, having a girlfriend did not work out as well as I had hoped. But at least I have salvaged a friendship out of it.
Anyway, the trepidation that I currently have mainly is from my automatic reaction to new things or new ideas. Usually it takes me a little time to process new things but I still do the new things (usually) just because. Then I process after.
It is really a matter of knowing that the plan is the right thing to do. And it doesn't have to be all traumatic or anything, it just has to be started and it will snowball. I am very excited and I know in the end, I will be better for it.
I really enjoy my group of friends. They are like-minded and very open and it is great. Sure, nothing is 100% but I am glad we have plenty of things in common to keep life interesting. Plus some of them are the adventurous type, so I can at least get out there and have someone to hang with.
In any event, if all goes according to plan (like all plans do!) then I will have more free time to do as I please while still maintaining my lifestyle. Maintaining, however, is the minimum of the plans results of course.
And if this plan works for me well, I will share as much as I can with those I care about so that you can at least learn some techniques that worked for me.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
One Less Option
This thought has been in my head the past few days:
"People never take the option that they don't know about."
It's pretty simple but it is disturbing as well.
Everyone goes through their daily lives, good, bad or indifferent with the same choices, the same friends (or loneliness), the same meals, the same ole same ole. A different level of this sameness for different people but really it is the comfort of it all that is why it is continuously redone.
There are the comfortable choices, and there are the uncomfortable choices. The kind of choices "other" people make, you know the adventurous ones or the crazy ones or the dumb ones. You know the ones that are exciting or dangerous or just plain different.
Most people rarely make those choices and some do it all the time. But to these folks, it is, the same ole same ole, but the uncomfortable choices would be things like sitting on the couch watching TV or eating Sloppy Joe's every Wednesday after the news.
Now, what I mean by the statement above is that, there are options or choices that most people are unaware of. It is not even in their worldview whatsoever to even consider. Things so dangerous to their way of living and thinking, the things not covered in the known comfortable or uncomfortable choices, that they are oblivious to them.
Their minds, even given actual sight with their eyes or any sense whatsoever, would disbelieve their own senses and vehemently at that. So septic to their own thought patterns that it would be denied, explained away or even destroyed as if it never existed, if only to get back to their known choices.
Do I have examples that I am aware of? Yes.
I have these options available to me because they are known to me now. But of course, they are now in the realm of known uncomfortable choices. Dangerous potentially because of the backlash it would cause from the active disbelief of all the others who do not know those options. Vehemently opposed by those who know that the options exist but cannot have everyone knowing of their existence.
Essentially what I am saying is that if these options were known by enough people (critical mass?) then it would become a known option and maybe even a known comfortable option.
If that were the case, things would be different rather quickly. And in a good way I might add. :)
But alas, if I were to offer these options, most of all it would be a peep in a cacophony.
All I know is that the one thing you have to do is question EVERY thought you have and EVERY belief you hold. Find out the source of these thoughts and beliefs. Find out if each are real or not. Not by someone telling you it is real, but by actually finding it out on your own.
Experts are just people too, with the same comfortable and uncomfortable choices before them. Find out how THEY got their facts and make sure it jibes with all the things you know and believe. If it does not, then find out why. Don't dismiss it out of hand, but actually examine whether you have right thought or they do, or neither of you do!
In any event, perhaps another time I will actually tell you what some of those options are, but if you have read any of my previous posts then you will know there is information out there that helped me see new options.
But don't take my word for it! :)
Question everything.
"People never take the option that they don't know about."
It's pretty simple but it is disturbing as well.
Everyone goes through their daily lives, good, bad or indifferent with the same choices, the same friends (or loneliness), the same meals, the same ole same ole. A different level of this sameness for different people but really it is the comfort of it all that is why it is continuously redone.
There are the comfortable choices, and there are the uncomfortable choices. The kind of choices "other" people make, you know the adventurous ones or the crazy ones or the dumb ones. You know the ones that are exciting or dangerous or just plain different.
Most people rarely make those choices and some do it all the time. But to these folks, it is, the same ole same ole, but the uncomfortable choices would be things like sitting on the couch watching TV or eating Sloppy Joe's every Wednesday after the news.
Now, what I mean by the statement above is that, there are options or choices that most people are unaware of. It is not even in their worldview whatsoever to even consider. Things so dangerous to their way of living and thinking, the things not covered in the known comfortable or uncomfortable choices, that they are oblivious to them.
Their minds, even given actual sight with their eyes or any sense whatsoever, would disbelieve their own senses and vehemently at that. So septic to their own thought patterns that it would be denied, explained away or even destroyed as if it never existed, if only to get back to their known choices.
Do I have examples that I am aware of? Yes.
I have these options available to me because they are known to me now. But of course, they are now in the realm of known uncomfortable choices. Dangerous potentially because of the backlash it would cause from the active disbelief of all the others who do not know those options. Vehemently opposed by those who know that the options exist but cannot have everyone knowing of their existence.
Essentially what I am saying is that if these options were known by enough people (critical mass?) then it would become a known option and maybe even a known comfortable option.
If that were the case, things would be different rather quickly. And in a good way I might add. :)
But alas, if I were to offer these options, most of all it would be a peep in a cacophony.
All I know is that the one thing you have to do is question EVERY thought you have and EVERY belief you hold. Find out the source of these thoughts and beliefs. Find out if each are real or not. Not by someone telling you it is real, but by actually finding it out on your own.
Experts are just people too, with the same comfortable and uncomfortable choices before them. Find out how THEY got their facts and make sure it jibes with all the things you know and believe. If it does not, then find out why. Don't dismiss it out of hand, but actually examine whether you have right thought or they do, or neither of you do!
In any event, perhaps another time I will actually tell you what some of those options are, but if you have read any of my previous posts then you will know there is information out there that helped me see new options.
But don't take my word for it! :)
Question everything.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Book review
This is one of the funniest book reviews I have seen in a long time. :)
I will let you figure out which book...
====
Reviewer: mailinator - 5 out of 5 stars - December 25, 2004
Subject: A real page turner!
Looking for a spooky tale to curl up to this Halloween season? Is there a glaring gap between your Stephen King and Anne Rice books on the shelf? Here's the perfect horror novel to plug it with!
A supernatural thriller to the core, the monster in this book will thrill and chill you! A demonic entity named Yahweh sets humanity up with the perfect trap: the Tree of Life. Knowing they'll eat the otherwise purposeless fruit, he slaps them with a generational curse that binds them to his malevolent will! What follows is the most twisted tale of evil ever written! Yahweh, egotistical and ragingly jealous, uses those under his control to rape and pillage cultures that don't worship him. Men, women and animals alike were slain in these bloodthirsty raids. The only hope you had was being a virgin woman whom Yahweh encourages to be conquested [Deuteronomy 21:10-13], [Deuteronomy 20:13-16].
If you have a hard time reading about cruel animal and human sacrifices, perverted sexual references and the murder and abuse of children I suggest not picking this up. This is a true tale of horror and our villian is far from tactful! However, Yahweh's not a transparent, homocidal manaic. To be so would be far too predictable and I commend the author on his skillful character development. What makes Yahweh so fiendish is that he commits his violent acts under the veneer of love! To fool humanity futher he sent down a hippy version of himself and later set that person up to die, quenching his bloodlust once again. But, that's not where the horror ends! I hate to give away the ending but it's far too devious to go unmentioned! In the end his cult followers will be sucked into an alternative dimension where they will toil and praise his ego to neverending extents. Those who choose not to accept his conditional, unconditional love will find themselves in a sadistic torture pit of his making.
What's really neat about this work of fiction is you don't even have to pay for it! There's many fan bases out there that will happily provide you with a copy!
I will let you figure out which book...
====
Reviewer: mailinator - 5 out of 5 stars - December 25, 2004
Subject: A real page turner!
Looking for a spooky tale to curl up to this Halloween season? Is there a glaring gap between your Stephen King and Anne Rice books on the shelf? Here's the perfect horror novel to plug it with!
A supernatural thriller to the core, the monster in this book will thrill and chill you! A demonic entity named Yahweh sets humanity up with the perfect trap: the Tree of Life. Knowing they'll eat the otherwise purposeless fruit, he slaps them with a generational curse that binds them to his malevolent will! What follows is the most twisted tale of evil ever written! Yahweh, egotistical and ragingly jealous, uses those under his control to rape and pillage cultures that don't worship him. Men, women and animals alike were slain in these bloodthirsty raids. The only hope you had was being a virgin woman whom Yahweh encourages to be conquested [Deuteronomy 21:10-13], [Deuteronomy 20:13-16].
If you have a hard time reading about cruel animal and human sacrifices, perverted sexual references and the murder and abuse of children I suggest not picking this up. This is a true tale of horror and our villian is far from tactful! However, Yahweh's not a transparent, homocidal manaic. To be so would be far too predictable and I commend the author on his skillful character development. What makes Yahweh so fiendish is that he commits his violent acts under the veneer of love! To fool humanity futher he sent down a hippy version of himself and later set that person up to die, quenching his bloodlust once again. But, that's not where the horror ends! I hate to give away the ending but it's far too devious to go unmentioned! In the end his cult followers will be sucked into an alternative dimension where they will toil and praise his ego to neverending extents. Those who choose not to accept his conditional, unconditional love will find themselves in a sadistic torture pit of his making.
What's really neat about this work of fiction is you don't even have to pay for it! There's many fan bases out there that will happily provide you with a copy!
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