Sovereignty

I just finished reading my brother psuche's blog.

He has some interesting links and thoughts about how to escape and become truly independent.

You can go here to get more information.

I will discuss more about this later, but I plan to read more into it before committing anything to writing. ;)

To best help, read this. Which uses Adobe Acrobat Reader.

Ah well, this is sounding like a sales pitch or something so I will stop, heh.

Resonance and discord

So the whole concept of resonance is a big part of my life and I have found people in my life that share similar resonance with me or as jwl calls it, entrainment.

Anyway, how I see it is each of us affects the energy around us, starting with our own and emanating out from ourselves. When you find someone who resonates with you, be it a lover, friend, or family, you just know that you are good for each other.

Also, if you get that feeling that you have known someone all your life (or longer) but only have just met the person. I am sure we only get one shot at this life, but it is important to be aware of those strong resonances!

I get that feeling with some people, and it feels really cool. :)

So I found that recently with someone and it is very cool but there is something not fully realized in the resonance. There is a slight discord in the notes of our resonance. It is not something conscious that I feel, it is just an unease and it is really fucking hard to figure out what it is. I keep trying to name it and every time I do I find out that that isn't quite what it is.

And it is frustrating to me to no end.

And the part that is the most upsetting is that it starting to either cause discord in other parts of my life or I am not able to fit it into my current pattern.

So now I have a dilemma.

Do I enjoy the resonance with the minor discord and somehow fit it into my life?

Or, do I change my current pattern so it fits in well even though there is discord hiding in there somewhere?

You would think those things are the same thing but they really aren't to me.

My pattern has been good these past several months, but in the past few weeks I have been off, and the symptoms of it are manifesting themselves to where people can notice them.

I guess I am not really seeking answers in this medium, but it is very annoying to me not knowing what the issue is.

In any event, I will figure it out. But I can't force anything, especially myself.

Did I mention this is still one of the areas I cause myself stress over?

You never would have guessed I am sure. :)

Old Patterns Are Hard To Break

So I have been reticent in writing in the blog.

Partly because I haven't thought about it, and partly because I wasn't sure I could articulate very well what I am thinking.

Anyway, it seems that my "no fear, no worries" attitude is not foolproof, me being the fool in this case.

Especially in new situations, I very easily fall back into my old pattern of over-analyzing situations and imagining all the possibilities rather than living in and for the moment.

Sure, it is good to have a direction you are heading or even goals, but it is very important to be fluid when making decisions and to accept situations for what they are and not what they are not.

Now, I may have lost a potential friend last night by my insecurity popping back into my pattern once again. Sometimes I am not very articulate when it comes to my feelings, so when I do express them, they have often come out rather garbled, mainly because my feelings are garbled.

I tend to like to think about what I am feeling and how I am feeling rather than being in the feeling.

See, like I said, hard to articulate.

Anyway, I am going to need to work on how I deal with new situations or at least ones that are uncommon. I need to establish my current "whole me, nothing but me" pattern on ALL aspects of my life even if that aspect is new and different.

I think I am in a space right now of accepting my situation as it is and dealing with the consequences of last night's conversation.

What is, is. And what will be will happen as you do it.

And as always am thankful that I have someone to let me clear my thoughts and come back from my mind wanderings.

You know who you are. ;)

Oops

Did I forget to post again?

Well, life is still interesting.

I would go into it more right now but I am not going to. :)

Just letting you know I am still alive. Enjoying life, enjoying spending time with folks I care about and basically making life the way I want it.

The only thing I don't have is time, which I would love to have back. If only I had started this whole figuring out life thing a dozen years ago, who knows where I would be.

Then again, I wouldn't know the people I know, care about the people I care about and I wouldn't be where I am, which is not entirely bad! :)

So there it is, the damn update, so shut up about me not posting!

Oh, wait, there was no clamoring. Ah well heh.

Miss Doxie

And please please please go over and read Miss Doxie's blog!

I have been reading her for several months now and probably should have said something earlier but I wanted to keep her my secret reading buddy eventhough she has so many of those already.

Anyway, she is hilarious and I love her writing style.

I am just sorry she gets hurt sometimes. But then again, it is great material for her to work with!

Anyway, she is awesome! I only wish I had her artistry with words!

*turns down jealousy knob*

Hockey

Tonight is the first night of the new hockey season.

I have not seen hockey for too long and I am getting excited about my first game!

Sure I have seen some AHL stuff and been to a game or two.

Not the same and not the same speed. No offense of course.

Anyway, yeah I am a hockey geek but at least I don't talk about it that often. Also, I am not going to ruin my life by becoming obsessed with it either.

So once I watch a few games I will go back to the way I was before when I could watch it regularly. But until then I am going to watch a lot of it! :)

Two weeks

So I have two interesting weeks ahead of me.

Actually I am in them but that's neither here nor there. :)

First, my boss is leaving. So now I get to lead on a project I was only assisting on. Guess we'll see where that leads. I also, for the next two weeks, get to have a data dump of all the things he has done at work. It'll be interesting.

Plus since my new promotion I will need to take the lead on things anyway, even though I am not managing anyone yet. We'll see what happens down the line.

I also have a new business opportunity that I am taking up that involves creating a new website from lots of data. So I will have to learn quickly how to do database data retrieval through asp and stuff. Needless to say I think it is a good opportunity for a business start-up and it should go far. Hopefully it is a big hit so it is bought out by a big company. I don't want to have to spend too much time on it in the long run to get paid. Not that I don't like the business, I am just not sure that is the direction I want to head. i want to do music really.

And as far as musically, I plan to change to a 4 day a week schedule taking Fridays off so I can hopefully play more music. Also, the new Thursday/Friday practice schedule has us getting tighter real fast. We made some recordings and some are definitely demo worthy. I can't wait to have them so I can listen to and critique myself to get better. :) Plus I want to put the music out there to venues so we can get gigs as undercards for November.

Right now I seem to be on the fast track for getting a new girlfriend, though it seems that in the past whenever I say it it busts. So this time will be different dammit! ;)

"Make it done" is the new motto so it shall be done.

So an interesting two weeks ahead for me.

I think the juggling of my life has all the balls up in the air at once, and I look forward to getting them going in a cool new pattern soon! :)