I am not sure exactly how I am feeling today. It's not anger, I rarely do that any more. It's not upset, nothing to be upset about. It's not happy, I know happy and this is not it. :)
I think it is sort of a sad, discontent, wanting, needing, almost helpless feeling. But it is more than that, it is like I am supposed to be doing something, not knowing what it is supposed to be. I know it is important and I know I need it or at least want it. It's not about someone in particular, or about anyone for that matter.
I am not sure how to express it, I know that I should and want to but am not sure how. This is a feeble attempt. And the sad thing really is that there are people who read my blog regularly and, at least this time, I am concerned about what they think of it.
No need to worry, just it feels like I want to give a message to everyone out there, and that no one really is going to read it. And for those that do will just try to help when there is no need to help. Or it will be someone I want to read it and will and then I will not hear from them again. Hate that.
Yesterday was a funk day, and I think this is day two. I am feeling a bit self-conscious about how I look and how people perceive me. I know, it shouldn't matter, but reason and logic can only take someone so far.
I am an emotional person. I freely admit that. I don't go to extremes in any direction but I tend to circle around happy more than anything else but sometimes the scale gets tipped a bit toward the other direction and I have to feel that.
I think to really appreciate the happy or content emotions you have to know the sad or discontent moments. If everything was happy happy joy joy all the time it would be so common as to be boring or even bad for you, change your medication!
Maybe I am anxious for spring and for this stupid winter to be over. I am so tired of not being able to go outside and do things. I am very active during the spring, summer and fall that being so inactive during the winter I get all depressed and stuff sometimes.
I make the best of it by hanging with my friends but even that won't do it sometimes. I want alone time sometimes but I really want alone time with someone to snuggle with. Not really alone is it? Ah well, it's an odd day.
And sorry AZ, if you read this, for not calling you back. I got so wrapped up in being angsty that I ignored everything and everyone else.
So what is the meat and potatoes of this thread. That I should delete this stupid post because it allowed me to express myself while writing and am feeling better. Blog therapy...hmm.
Please don't consider this my normal state or who I really am, it's just me being myself, by myself, when I am not interested in doing anything else that I normally enjoy doing. Heck I am even listening to sappy 80's soft rock which I never do, but I couldn't find any angsty goth to listen to. Need to find more of that heh.
Wow, this post is getting long and I should stop, but I am getting better by doing free-thought diarrhea of the mind that I am currently doing. Maybe I'll go watch a movie or just go play a game or something.
Or better yet, maybe I should just go to bed so I can get a great early morning start! Yeah right. Like I really look forward to going to work. It's not all bad but it's no picnic on a sunny summer afternoon under the big maple tree with my girl eating finger sandwiches and drinking wine looking out at the rolling hills and the mountains in the distance.
Did I mention I am a romantic? Maybe, but that's neither here nor there.
If you stayed with this post this long then you must think I am wacko. Well I am, but in the good way. :)
Ok, I think I am over it now. Thanks for playing and wasting your time reading my blog. Hope it didn't suck so bad that you will never return!
And if you don't return then I can't stop you, but you will miss out on the exciting next installment of my life!
*cough*
That was a joke, get it? ;)
The only way to change how you feel is to just do it!
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