Why is it that I can get so caught up in other people's assholeness?
Why is it important to me that people be nice or kind?
Perhaps it would be better to let them go from my life then to try to come to any sort of agreement. Can I agree to people being assholes to me and I can still be kind to them? Perhaps.
Do I have the energy and ability to do so? I don't know.
Not yet anyways.
Guess I am still a work in progress.
1 comment:
Oh boy, you are speaking to one of the major dilemna's of my life!!!!
On the one hand, 'they' (tm) tell us that to be 'enlightened', we're supposed to go through life with a constant smile on our faces, full of peace and compassion for all. Ok, fine. But what about when people are assholes, as you said????
We can a) choose to remove these people from our lives. Out of sight, out of mind.
b) do our best to keep our distance from such folk, so that we can restrict our exposure to their assholiness, and therefore limit our own impulse to want to strangle them c) pretend we don't notice the assholiness, and/or that it doesn't bother us.
Does pretending people's mean-spirited ways don't bother us mean we're suddenly 'enlightened'? To my mind, it makes more sense to either eliminate or severely restrict exposure to such folk (assuming we haven't decided to make those people a personal case-study!).
We all can be annoying from time to time, and certainly one person's 'asshole' is another person's 'misunderstood friend'. Sometimes people just are not a great vibrational match for someone else.
I think we do ourselves and others a disservice if we pretend to tolerate someone when that person sets our jaws on edge by their every movement.
Sometimes, trying the honest approach first can help. Such as: "Joe, I know you have many positive qualities, but when you do XYZ, it really bothers me. I'm open to your thoughts about this." or "Jane, when you are mean to people I care about, it hurts me to know that those people are hurting from your words/actions. I'd like to see if there's a way you can change those behaviors, because it would not be my first choice to stop having you in my home/life."
Sometimes, people don't realize how hurtful or assholy they are being and it might be a favor to help them out by bringing it to their attention! Sometimes I am thoughtless, and I always appreciate when that is brought to my attention so I can work on that, you know?
So, I guess I'm voting for trying reasonable conversation first, and if the person seems unwilling to change, then consider how you can remove that person or limit exposure to them.
p.s. It's human to get caught up in such things. That's part of our journey here. We can learn about who and what we ARE, by comparing it to who and what we are NOT. In any given situation, once you realize that, you can announce to the Universe that you've gotten the hint and are ready to move on from that lesson. The Universe (in my belief system) will then support your efforts to transform the situation, either by moving away from the person, or helping the person to alter the behavior.
p.p.s. Bummer about the rain on Friday for the fireside. Hopefully soon! We miss you guys!!!
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