Energy

I seem to have spent a great deal of my healing energy in the past week or so and it is finally catching up to me.

Granted, I have a great deal of energy to give but if I do not take breaks from giving it I will get drained. When I get drained I get real grumpy and my wit turns from humorous to biting and can even get into outright mean.

So my goal in the next day or two is to do stuff just for me and give nothing out (except in an emergency). I gave pretty much the rest of what I had today with family only because it was a rare occasion that my step-brother and his wife came to visit Maine.

As of now I am in mega-selfish mode. :)

Note that this is different then being an egoist.

I do things for myself all the time but much of it is investing time and energy into my friends and family for reciprocated love and companionship.

But now I am going for selfish.

I am going to be a taker much more than giver. So when I go out tomorrow night I am going to suck the energy out of my friends. Sounds vampiric but I guess it goes with goth night after all. ;) Or maybe a bad horror movie involving over-dramatic wannabe stars with fake looking rubber monsters or something. :)

Mostly it is about replenishing without harming. And by keeping a large enough group of friends I am able to take a bit more from each of them to replenish myself without taking too much from anyone in particular.

I am not going to go into specifics but I will have a different sense about me the next few days before I be myself again.

It's hard to be a healer sometimes, especially when you are not used to taking energy or expend it without resting often enough.