So I have been reticent in writing in the blog.
Partly because I haven't thought about it, and partly because I wasn't sure I could articulate very well what I am thinking.
Anyway, it seems that my "no fear, no worries" attitude is not foolproof, me being the fool in this case.
Especially in new situations, I very easily fall back into my old pattern of over-analyzing situations and imagining all the possibilities rather than living in and for the moment.
Sure, it is good to have a direction you are heading or even goals, but it is very important to be fluid when making decisions and to accept situations for what they are and not what they are not.
Now, I may have lost a potential friend last night by my insecurity popping back into my pattern once again. Sometimes I am not very articulate when it comes to my feelings, so when I do express them, they have often come out rather garbled, mainly because my feelings are garbled.
I tend to like to think about what I am feeling and how I am feeling rather than being in the feeling.
See, like I said, hard to articulate.
Anyway, I am going to need to work on how I deal with new situations or at least ones that are uncommon. I need to establish my current "whole me, nothing but me" pattern on ALL aspects of my life even if that aspect is new and different.
I think I am in a space right now of accepting my situation as it is and dealing with the consequences of last night's conversation.
What is, is. And what will be will happen as you do it.
And as always am thankful that I have someone to let me clear my thoughts and come back from my mind wanderings.
You know who you are. ;)
2 comments:
The Fine Line: acknowledging your feelings as feelings and becoming what you are feeling.
I was having a conversation with my dear friend, Niggalicious, and we both realized that there is something powerful in being able to say to someone: "OK. This is what I'm FEELING. But it's not necessarily what I THINK about the situation." But, of course, your listener will have to understand some basic precepts first about this way of conversing. More later... xoxo
Matt and I have recently established this as our way of dealing with it. We say "these are my surface feelings" as opposed to "this is how I really deeply feel and believe on this topic." Kind of like a pool of water, where the surface feelings flow through and change a lot, but the deeper currents represent our intentional beliefs about it. Hope that helps.
Love ya B!
Nikki
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