The Nature of my Thoughts

I am here writing this note and wondering what I am going to write about. It mainly will concern the nature of my thinking and how I think, right now. What I mainly think about is the present moment, however, it brings with it memories of past events and possible future events. If I grasp on too tightly to any of those, I can get lost in the melancholy of something lost or worry about what may or may not happen.

When I do realize that I am doing one of those two things, I am able to reset myself by focusing on what I most enjoy about the present moment or by focusing on what I want in the next. That may sound like a contradiction but, in fact, it is about experiencing the desire and want in the present while thinking of the future in a positive way.

If my thoughts remain focused on the present or near future in a way that feels good, I continue that line of thought and continue to focus on what I am enjoying or doing at the time. Sometimes, I enjoy focusing on the present moment by focusing on a book, movie, or video game. Other times, I enjoying sitting in nature or having a conversation with someone I love, especially Nikki.

One of the enjoyable parts of being me is my strange take on reality. I see the world as a playground and a playful place to be. A place to enjoy the use of communication and language, a place to fiddle with the ideas and thoughts of others in a humorous way, and to think about ways to be from other points of view. Of course, all of these things can lead to the longing of the past and worry of the future that I mentioned earlier.

My main focus that I am trying to learn is to be myself regardless of the company I keep. If I feel like speaking a strange faerie language while in the shower, I do. If I feel like sniffing Tristan on the head while he is watching a video on YouTube, I do. There are times, however, that I feel that my kind of humor is not "acceptable" or that my time is being "wasted."

When I feel like things are not going my way, I tend to get frustrated or very quiet. I believe these are learning opportunities for me. What precipitated these feelings? What beliefs am I holding that crop up during these times? How can I change my response to these beliefs and let them go so that I can begin refocusing on what I enjoy and refocusing on the present moment?

For the most part, these episodes are pretty quick to resolve themselves, usually in a matter of minutes, though sometimes longer. When I finally get myself out of them, I forgive myself for my silliness and my lack of "focus," as nonjudgmentally as I am able. I believe with practice, I will be able to short-circuit these patterns more easily and quickly as I move forward.

The next task that I am seeking to achieve is to overcome the obstacle of lack of abundance, as well as the perception that it is not going to happen immediately, or even that it can’t happen immediately. The old pattern of getting a job to pay my bills, to feed my family, to get ahead is apparently trying to reassert itself. Even though I feel confident in my new ideas and stance on life and abundance, am I re-instituting this old meme or can I approach the idea of being abundant while working for someone, perhaps in an office, for long hours every week, with limited time off and other thoughts I will short-circuit right now.

Essentially, I am concerned a little that I will fall back into that routine and accept my fate as a working man, rather than the glorious creator of my own reality. The other thought that crosses my mind is whether working for these folks is really the universe helping me solve the current financial crunch we created for ourselves and that I can just go with the flow, moving forward with no fear and no doubts. To me, that answer feels better than the other ones. Perhaps, if I just be myself, trust in the universe and go to my interview with that confidence, I can create the structure, pay, and freedom that I want, while still doing the work that they would ask of me. I could even get some traveling into the mix as well. Something that I would enjoy doing and sharing with Nikki too.

In any event, I am going to wander off into the Shire for a while, then head to bed. I hope whoever reads this garners some inspiration or at least some food for thought, not unlike a tasty chocolate mousse. Many blessings to you!