Anticipation

Ever have the feeling that what you want to happen that hasn't happened yet seems imminent but isn't happening? You know, anticipating a phone call or a visit from someone? Whether it is good, an excited kind of feeling, or bad, an anxious sort of feeling or even the dreaded one in between where you are not sure whether it is good news or bad news, so you're feeling both an exhilaration and a trepidation at the same time?

I hate the third kind even more so then expecting the worst news. You know you can't do anything about the bad news and being anxious about it has negative effects but also is a known quantity. You know how bad it is going to be. The good news one is great to have, and the only problem is the waiting. But that third type, the unknown, is both a blessing and a curse. So it may be either good news or bad news, it may depend on what you say on what the outcome will be, so you try to prepare yourself for the worst but you also need to try to make the best of it at the same time.

Needless to say, it is frustrating.

That pit of the stomach fear that things will go terribly wrong, but the euphoric high that could come about if it works out great is always at the edge of the dread.

The best way to remedy it is to not even think about it, or at least assume the worst and deal with those consequences. If you go too far as to hope for the best, then the high expectations could come crashing down on you like a ton of bricks. Unfortunately, if you anticipate the worst, then even if it is good news, you still have that lingering fear that it will go horribly wrong at any moment, or it could make it seem too good to be true and not appreciate it's goodness.

Darn, I guess talking about it hasn't distracted me enough. I should get back to work...or maybe go home and drink myself into a stupor.

Decisions, decisions.