Who are your friends? More importantly, why are they your friends?
I have been evaluating the first question in light of the second question. What do my friends really mean to me?
Essentially it is about what gives me pleasure. Sometimes I want to feel important in other's eyes and, really to be placated in a way. It gives me pleasure to feel good about myself when others say it. Now, of course, any fake person could do that for you, all those yes-men and of-course people. You are great, you are wonderful, you are my knight in shining armor, blah blah. Those are not my friends.
The ones who make it known, because it is real there, through various means, like snuggling or a smile or laughing at my jokes or whatever, those are the people I choose as friends. It is this genuine affection that I enjoy and because it pleases me, it is selfish inherently.
Additionally, I enjoy a good discussion about things I enjoy. Recently it is philosophy, but also entertainment I enjoy like dancing, music, football and games. When I find someone who also enjoys these things, in total or in part, I consider them my friends, because it gives me pleasure, and it is selfish inherently.
So I guess the question really is, why do we do the things we do and why do we make friends with people? Because we are selfish, or more directly it serves self-interest.
Of course there are a great many things that we do and think about that involves giving up this selfishness for the "greater good" or for self-sacrifice. And in these things we lose ourselves, be it faith or truth or freedom or justice or humanity or charity or many other things I could list but would take forever.
By not being FOR these things am I AGAINST them?
Not exactly. What I am against is foregoing yourself and your self-interest for the interests of someone else, i.e. for the not-me. Can these things ever be found? Yes. By accepting the self-interest of others while not sacrificing our own self-interest all these things can come to be. In understanding myself, I am able to see others for themselves, and by being friends with them, help them attain their self-interests while not giving myself to them.
In any event, those who I call my friends, I choose to call my friends because of my self-interest, and in kind, if they choose me as a friend it is because it is in their self-interest.
The whole world would be better off if everyone chose their self-interest over their self-sacrifice while acknowledging that everyone has their own self-interest and without asking for their self-sacrifice.
5 comments:
hmmm......you know i think you are right & wrong about the self-interest/self-sacrifice. i think to some extent it is knowing the proper degrees of self-sacrifice to give. i think that there are moments where self sacrifice is just what you do. i know i've done it, the times when you'd rather be doing something else, no one would blame you for not doing it. if you didn't care for the person you wouldn't do it, you wouldn't really feel guilty for not doing it, not going to feel morally superior for doing it. yet you do it anyway. why? it's just what you do.
well, there was the time a friend of mine called me at 3am, drunk from jail.....no he wasn't in jail, he was waiting for a friend to sober up so they could drive home(DUI). i had to work in the morn & they were an 30-45 min away. he wouldn't have held it against me nor thought less of me for doing it, nor would he think more of me either. i just went grabbed 'em let 'em hang out i my living room & i went to sleep, so all i accomplished was sleep deprivation & less gas & he hung out in my living room. i got no real benefit, no real loss. i just did it. (well some benefit is posting the story here i guess) i can come up with milder examples probably but whatever.
ok, now you are talking degrees of selflessness, the act of itself was non-selfish. as far as the hypothetical situation, that would not be selfless, it would be stupid. if people were all trust-worthy & sane, then maybe i would go pick them up. however, by the very fact that a stranger called me for a place to stay, in the middle of the night shows that they are mentally unstable, and possibly dangerous.
Aren't most of your friends mentally unstable and potentially dangerous? ;)
(Me included of course heh)
i wouldn't call self preservation a form of selfishness. i guess a good question is 'is there anyone you would die for?'. there have been numerous occasions throughout human history where this has happened, and i'm sure some of them would have been aetheists. if a human would knowingly make this choice, then it would be the most selfless act that could be done.
(yes everyone i know is stark raving mad....i like it that way)
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