Awakening and Gratitude

I think the awakening process is both a wonderful thing and a challenging thing at the same time. I have moments of great joy and happiness, yet other times of such frustration and anger. When I am confronted with the patterns I am trying to change, they shackle onto me and want to drag me back to the old way of seeing things. It can be very tiring and miserable, if I let them.

I am thankful that I am able to get out of these moments more easily than in previous years, yet I still am hopeful for the day when these passing thoughts will float on by like wisps of clouds off in the distance. On most occasions, I am able to let them flow on by as I am confident and sure of my new vision and truth.

So what happens when they get stuck in an eddy or throw a line around a nearby tree? Well, some of the practices I have been doing recently have been focused on the energy of my normal flow of life. What are the things, right now, that I can be thankful for? I know that, in these times, trying to be thankful for the person or event that I’m upset about just doesn’t feel right. I can, though, focus on the kitten-boys and how cute they are and how soft they are. I can count on the sun, and warmth, and the comfortable spot I have found to also be good reminders of my gratitude.

It sometimes takes a little while to get back to where I want to be and where I want to feel. But I know, after doing it many times, that I will be able to get out of these sludge thoughts and back into my light and happy thoughts. Once I am confident that the dark mood has passed, I am able to look back on the triggers that occurred and see them in a more positive light. Next time, the trigger will be seen and understood better, and then I will be able to overcome those feelings a little easier.

I know that I can sometimes get stuck in the “why haven’t I finished with all those old thoughts already?” moments, but I am glad that I have discovered that I am a great learner and that my journey is a continuously challenging and rewarding one. Thankfully, I choose to be on this path where the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the darkest, scariest parts of the forest are already behind me. Fear not, and the fear goes away.