A couple of my friends are in the position of seeking a companion yet are having a difficult time finding someone to be with in a relationship. I was in the same position a few years ago and I would like to offer some ideas and insights that might be helpful for someone who is seeking a partner. I am in a loving and fulfilling relationship now and want to share my insights with those who want something similar to what I have found.
For reference, from the end of a relationship when I was 19 until I found a relationship when I was 35, I was celibate and desperate for someone to love me. During that time, including my college career and much of my corporate career, I was lonely and looking for anyone to find me attractive and love me. Yes, the most "virile" time of my life was spent alone and desperately seeking another's company. I was completely alone and not able to find a mate.
To find someone takes an energy that is different than what I was offering. I was in need of someone who would complete me or make my life better, when, in fact, it was necessary for me to find who I was and be complete unto myself. The only way to find anyone you are seeking is to find yourself and be yourself.
It took me a great deal of time to love myself and be comfortable being with myself without retribution or recrimination. I had to be confident in who I was such that I was able to offer that love and affection to other people. What could I possibly know about love if I could not even love myself?
Once I found who I was and found love for myself, I was able to face the world and other people without fear or doubt (at least in significant amounts). At first, I had trepidations about interacting with the world and worried about what other people thought about me. After being myself and just letting go of my old fears, I eventually found a friend and lover who liked me. I was so ecstatic! I put a lot of effort into making her happy and trying to be interesting and exciting. Eventually, we parted ways, but still remain good friends.
As I became more myself and realized how interesting and wonderful I was, I was able to find my current partner, Starcat. She was interested in me, yet I was not able to see this affection beyond my current circumstances. Eventually, I was able to let go even more and let myself love, regardless of the circumstance. I am now completely in love with her, and am very happy with my choices!
So, after all of this offering on my part, here are my suggestions and ideas. First, let go of what you think other people want. There is no way to know what other people really want and besides, isn't it more interesting to find out what you want to offer someone else rather than conform yourself to someone else's viewpoint? Second, find out what you really want. How could you know what to look for in another person if you don't know what you want? Lastly, and the most important, to be who you are, and to find anyone else to love you no matter who you are, is imperative to your well-being. There is no way to find anyone else to share your life if you are not comfortable with who you are and do not love the unique way you work with the universe. Be yourself, and those who love you for who you are will appear. Friends and lovers will seek you out when you are yourself.
Please let go of the limitations you have set before you. You can be, do, or have all the things you want if you be yourself. Flow with the way you are and you will reward yourself with all the people and events that will encourage your vivaciousness. Enjoy and be well!
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